i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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