Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
