that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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