Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
