I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
