3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
