OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
