it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
im on a boat
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