I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
