I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I deserve this hangover.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
