dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
