i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
