I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
