Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
