Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
