so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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