i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
