I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
