The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
