im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
