i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
