Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
