glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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