I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
