At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
