youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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