They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
