I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
