fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
