you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
