I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
