Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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