I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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