Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
