Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
