Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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