Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
