I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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