so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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