Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
