My cat gives me a boner
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
