I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
