i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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