Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.