the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.