We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.