Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.