i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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