the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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