We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
