i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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