No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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