my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
