You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You've changed since you got that strap on
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
