This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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