So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
