why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
