After last night, I could never be a politician.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
