i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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