Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
