Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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