So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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