Yo dont text me then not text me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
