And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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