I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
