I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
