You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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