my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
