You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
