I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
