im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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