were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
